Goodbye Cruel World

Warning: Contains Profanity

Went riding this morning at nine and finished at noon. I was hoping to go alone, to meditate on the evils of asphalt, but Nicole woke up her niece Caroline to go with me. Aita was difficult to catch in the pasture. That should have been an indication that all was not right with the world; but he was fine as I led him to the barn, and groomed and saddled him. In fact, he was much better behaved than Tasha who was kicking and acting up for Caroline. Tasha was so agitated I was afraid that he might kick me because we were in such a tight space together. So I took Aita around to the other side of the barn to finish saddling up. I figured that Caroline must be having some psychological problems she wasn’t dealing with honestly.

We finally headed out for our ride with the intention of going for a long two hour ride. But we weren’t more than a half a mile from the house, when my horse, Aita, started acting up. It was an interesting experience trying to control him as he bucked and turned in circles. I don’t know if the horse flies were bothering him, they did seem heavier than usual, or whether he just did not want to go out for a ride, but he was impossible to get to move forward, and he was almost impossible to stay on.

However, I did stay on, for around a half an hour of almost constant light bucking. I headed back to the house with him, but didn’t unsaddle him because I didn’t want him to think he could get his way, so I rode him around the pasture, while he was still being ornery and bucking a lot. I was rather proud of myself for staying on.

Finally, I decided I was testing the Fates, and so I took him back to the house to unsaddle. Nicole wheeled out in her electric wheelchair and told me that if I wanted to take Tasha I could, and Caroline could unsaddle Aita and stay home. So I went out for a pleasant hour and a half ride through the woods. I had a bit of difficulty at first, since Aita was whinnying loudly for Tasha to return. Tasha whinnied back in reply and stood still, then tried to turn back, but I was able to prevent that and we headed off down the trail.

So, based on my understanding of the Tao of Equus the horse must be reading my deep subconscious and seeing that it’s out of whack with what I’m really projecting to the world. And that’s true. I’m mad at the world and its cars and its oil wars and its pollution and poison and its unbridled greed and gluttony. I’d like to just live alone with my sheep and a horse, a sewing machine that doesn’t require electricity, paper, pencils and paint, and I’d like the outside world to just leave me the fuck alone. But yet I haven’t quite cut the ties that bind me to that same society which I hate.

Yes, Aita, you are quite right. I’m messed up. I’d like to stand on top of the Eiffel Tower and scream at the world: Quit buying all that plastic junk made in third world countries. Don’t drive so much. Walk off that fat ass you’re carrying around. Quit being so greedy. Learn how to enjoy unadulterated NATURE so you'll quit poisoning the eco system.

See following link to see what one of our good corporate citizens, Dupont, is up to: http://nytimes.com/2004/08/08/business/yourmoney/08teflon.html?pagewanted=1&hp

Quit mowing down the forests. Quit paving the beautiful hills and valleys. JUST STOP. Stop what you’re mindlessly doing just because society told you to do it, and figure out what would truly make you happy. The answer is not going to be a new freeway, a new pair of shoes, a new Teflon pan, a new house, a new car. I can guarantee you that the answer is not going to be found in anything material. And while you’re searching, just leave me the fuck alone with your asphalt and poison and elevator music.

There I got that off my chest. Now maybe I can go and ride Aita.